Anna’s Story Part 68
I have to admit I am getting used to having a clean room and I sorta like it. Naturally I do not love the part where the staff checks house keeping and points out the tiniest little thing wrong. I mean like who ever really cares how clean it is behind the toilet? I mean who is going to see that? But you know what? We have to clean there anyway. And I didn’t like that at all. Gross. But I do like having my room clean. And I do admit it is easer to find stuff. I mean they are being really strict. We have to change the sheets every week and stuff like that.
I have started to think about my future. All this talk about goals has got me thinking. Maybe I can go back to school or get a job or something. I sort of gave up hope my baby daddy is going to come get me out of this shelter. I used to pretend he would come riding up on a big white horse and we would ride away together. In my fantasy, the kids just sort of disappeared. It was just the two of us. I loved him that much that I would just leave the kids and ride off. And he loved me that much, he would just come get me. It was fun to pretend, but I don’t really think that will happen any more. Now I am looking at goals as things I can make happen. Things I can work towards to have a better life for me and my kids. I know I am going to be the one who has to provide for my kids so I better start living with that reality.
I would not not mind putting the kids in daycare and working. Having a pay check would sure be nice. There are lots of things I want, but just can’t afford. I get plenty of food stamps, but that doesn’t cover diapers or wipes or anything for me. I mean I wanted to buy a candle the other day and I didn’t have any money. I mean one little scented candle- not anything fancy. I never get to buy anything I want. I know some people sell their food stamps to get cash- 50 cents for every dollar. I don’t think I could ever do that. But I would like a pay check.